Pinocchio had just finished having sex with his girlfriend, and he asked her, "So ... how was I?" She said, "Well, Pinocchio ... I hate to say this, but when we have sex, you give me splinters!"
Pinocchio was devastated. He went running to Gepetto, crying, "My girlfriend says that when we have sex, I give her splinters! Is there anything you can do?"
Gepetto says, "What you need, my boy, is a piece of sandpaper. Use this once a day, and that'll solve the problem."
About a month later, Gepetto ran into Pinocchio on the street. "How was that sandpaper I gave you?" He asked. "Are you still having problems with the girls?"
"Girls?" Pinocchio asked. "Who needs girls?"