Remember; Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. It's TRUE! Statistically 100% of all divorces started with marriage!
- I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was... Always.
- I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt.
- Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.
- The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
- In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
- A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days."
She looked at him and said, "Man, I wish I had your willpower."
- Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
- Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
- A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified:
"Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
- The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
- First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
- How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
- Just think, if it weren't for marriage,
men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
- If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
- Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
- A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied,"I don't know son, I'm still paying."