BLOWJOB ETIQUETTE FOR MEN - kindly written by a woman
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not
standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT
puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does Not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it
through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't
feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex
right now.
9. Extension to girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my
Midol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't
tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately
afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be
repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate
about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy
that we're good at it. See also rule
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about
the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get
blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to
either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have
to "kiss it good morning".
