Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?
Two. If you slice them very thinly.
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
A power failure.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four guys watching a football game.
Why did God create man before woman?
He didn't want any advice.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Why do men have a hole in their penis?
So their brains can get some oxygen now and then.