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HOME > Miscellaneous Jokes Category >
Men vs. Women

The Perfect Day for Her:

  • 8:15 Wakeup to hugs and kisses
  • 8:30 Weigh in 5lbs lighter than yesterday
  • 8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants 9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
  • 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out
  • 12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
  • 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30lbs
  • 1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
  • 3:00 Nap
  • 4:00 3 dozens roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer
  • 4:15 Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage
  • 5:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, prim before the mirror
  • 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing
  • 10:00 Hot shower (alone)
  • 10:30 Make love
  • 11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
  • 11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms
The Perfect Day for Him!
  • 6:00 Alarm
  • 6:15 Blowjob
  • 6:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today
  • 7:00 Breakfast, Filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee
  • 7:30 Limo arrives
  • 7:45 Stoli Bloody Mary enroute to airport
  • 8:15 DFW - Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia (Coffee, SI and WSJ)
  • 9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club
  • 9:45 Front nine at Augusta (2 under)
  • 11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens
  • 12:15 Blowjob
  • 12:30 Back nine Augusta (4 under)
  • 2:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay martini)
  • 2:30 Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap)
  • 3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless) crew
  • 4:30 Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1249 lbs)
  • 5:00 G4 back to DFW, massage & hand job enroute by naked Kathy Ireland
  • 6:45 Shit, shower and shave
  • 7:00 Watch CNN newsflash: Clinton resigns, Hillary and Al Gore farm animal video released and authenticated. (Hillary has a secret mole, Al looks real cold)
  • 7:30 Dinner, Lobster appetizers, Dom Perigon (1963), 20 oz. New York Steak
  • 9:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar
  • 9:30 Sex with three women
  • 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi
  • 11:45 Bed (alone)
  • 11:50 12 second, 4 note fart, dog leaves the room
  • 11:55 Sleep

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